I always have trouble deciding, when asked my favorite time of year. I love the growing warmth and green of spring (despite the pollen), but all the best holidays are at the end of the year when winter’s on the way.

Halloween, of course, is one of my favorites, with its emphasis on identity and mystery. And Christmas, when the whole country stops being quite so nasty and remembers that charity really is a virtue worth pursuing. Plus, I love giving presents. And getting them. I know other people have other winter holidays, but secular Christmas is pretty unavoidable in the US, both the rise in charitable donations, and the ridiculous consumerist push.

So here’s my one bit of gift-giving advice that works every time: Give the person something that, when you hand it over, you can genuinely say, “I thought of you when I saw this.”

It really is the thought that counts, too, because often in the rush to check names off of a list gifts are chosen quite thoughtlessly. Rather than finding one item that makes you think of a friend or loved one, you rush and grab and move on to the next store and the next holiday sale, because that’s what everyone else is doing.

As decluttering is on the rise, let’s try to do this for each other this gift-giving season — don’t add to someone else’s clutter. If your dad hasn’t been hinting about wanting a new electric razor, don’t give him something he won’t use because he’s always preferred blades. If your mom isn’t a perfume wearer, don’t clutter up her bathroom or dresser top with another bottle that’ll evaporate before it gets used. And for goodness sake, don’t buy those kitschy wooden apple-themed teacher gifts unless the teacher actually collects such things.

So what do you do when nothing stands out? Try rethinking the reason why you’re struggling so hard to get them a gift in the first place. If it’s someone you wish you knew better, considering giving them the gift of a dinner out together, so next year you’ll know that they have a secret collection of undead bunny figurines or they love anything with a frog on it. If it’s your child’s teacher, consider a donation to education, a classroom fund, or a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant so they can enjoy a night away from grading and lesson plans.

It is the thought that counts — so make sure you really think this year about what would enhance the lives of your loved ones, instead of trying to fill a quota.